Thursday, 1 December 2016

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

Okay. Maybe calling this post 'The Final Countdown' is a bit dramatic. But in reality, that's truly how I'm feeling. Freya-Louise turns one in just two days and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. In fact I know I'm not ready for that. In two days my teeny tiny (at 8lb 14oz she really wasn't all that teeny tiny) baby girl becomes a toddler. I mean, she is walking so I suppose she's already a toddler but her birthday seems a bit more of an official start date for toddlerhood. 
 
I have loved the past year more than I could ever explain. Don't get me wrong, I feel like I've seen enough poo to last me a life time and I still haven't learnt how to get those horrible yellow stains out of vests (I am 100% guilty of throwing stained items of clothing away and just replacing them rather than trying to get them back to their former glory days). And there have been times when Freya has really, really tested my patience. Like right now, for instance, when I'm having to stop writing every couple of minutes to stop her climbing onto the TV stand and shaking her little booty to whichever annoying CBeebies jingle is playing at the time. (Note to self; buy a new, taller TV stand ASAP).
 
But there has also been absolutely amazing times. More amazing than I ever imagined they would be. I knew I would love Freya more than I knew possible, but I had completely underestimated how much pride I would feel when I looked at her. From watching her smile for the first time, to seeing her learn how to sit and crawl, and most recently helping her take her first steps and now looking on in awe as she toddles around like she's been doing so her whole life. I just feel so, so proud.
 
 Im proud of Lewis and I for keeping her alive for starters. But also proud that, so far, we seem to be raising a wonderful little girl. A little girl who is kind, and loving and affectionate but also incredibly independent and quite possibly as headstrong as they come. I hope she keeps those qualities as she grows up, but I also hope she has the ability to work on them and rather than just becoming the bossy girl in the playground at primary school, I hope she becomes the boss lady of the office in twenty years time. 
 
Now as much as I love my life and I love being a mum and a not-wife-housewife, I would hate to see her settle down as young as I have. I'm happy with my choices. I love the fact I am able to stay at home and raise my baby, and any other babies we may have in the future, and I am definitely not playing down how hard it is to be a stay at home mum. But part of me wants more for my daughter. I want her to travel, and explore and love harder than she ever knew she could. I want her to experience heartbreak and know it will only make her stronger. I want her to be educated and aware of how much she can do to help less fortunate people than herself. I want her to have more than I do. 
 
This last year has flown by so quickly. Everybody warned me it would, but I don't think you realise just how fast they grow up until you have your own. 
 
I feel so lucky to be a mother, especially to a little girl as lovely as Freya, and I hope the next year is just as special as this one has been. 
 
Happy Early Birthday, sweet girl.

Thanks for reading, 

Grace x